Martin Parnell Finish the Race Attitude

At some time during our careers, most of us will have come across a co-worker who just relishes having something to complain about. They exude negativity, whether it’s the job, the boss, the company, clients or a colleague. For some reason, they will delight in cornering you just so that they can have a good moan. 

You may be able to deal with this type of person by talking through their issues, offering support if they need help with their job, being a sounding board or offering advice. If you feel they have genuine concerns, you might suggest solutions e.g. they speak to their employer or the HR department.  You may be able to tell them you’d rather not get involved and try to move on to a more positive topic of conversation.  Sometimes, the co-worker just wants to complain to a friendly, listening ear; they don’t want your advice or assistance to address the situation.   

Other people will find it very difficult to deal with such a person. They may not know how to handle the situation and find it draining on their time and energy. Whatever happens, it is necessary to set boundaries with regard to time you spend with that person and topics of conversation. Listen, but set limits. Long term complaining saps your energy and positive outlook. Don’t allow that to happen. Walk away. Tell the co-worker you’d prefer to move on to more positive subjects. If that proves to be too difficult, avoidance is probably the easiest course of action. 

However, what if it’s an employee who is being persistently negative? 

In her article 7 Steps to Deal with a Negative Employee, on www.thebalance.com, (January 2017), Susan Heathfield includes these suggestions:

• Inform the employee about the negative impact her negativity is having on coworkers and the department. Use specific examples that describe behaviours.

• Avoid becoming defensive. Don’t take the employee’s negative words or attitude personally. They are not directed at you. For whatever reason, the employee is unhappy with his or her life or work.

• Ask the employee if something negative is happening in his personal life that is affecting his workplace success. Knowing what is happening in the employee's life lets you offer sympathy or another appropriate expression of good or hopeful wishes. It can also help the employee see that you are interested in and concerned about them as a person.

• Ask the employee what is causing his negativity at work. Listen to the employee's complaints and concerns until you’re certain that the employee feels heard out and listened to. Sometimes people repeat negative sentiments because they don’t feel as if you have really heard them. Make sure that you have activly listened. The employee will feel the difference.
• Focus on creating solutions. Don’t focus on everything that is wrong and negative about the employee’s outlook or actions in your approach. This will only cause the employee to dig himself more deeply into his grievances. 

• Focus on the positive aspects of her performance and the potential contributions the individual brings to the work setting, not the negativity. Help the employee build her self-image and capacity to contribute.
  Talk to her about what she has done well and what her co-workers and you appreciate about her performance. 

• In the future, when interacting with the employee, try to compliment the individual any time you hear a positive statement or contribution rather than negativity from her. You'll want to reinforce, as much as possible, the positive interactions the employee has with other employees and the workplace.

These seven steps frequently work when you hit an employee's negativity head-on in your workplace. 

So, whether you are trying to deal with negativity from a co-worker or an employee, it’s worth bearing in mind that there are several ways to consider, in dealing with the situation.

If you are the person who is feeing negative, take a moment to really think about the underlying issues and how you can, for your own well-being take steps to resolve them and not be a drain on your colleagues.

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As part of my workshop “Unlock your potential: Set goals and achieve results you never thought possible”, I ask participants to think about some goals they might like to set themselves. Then, we discuss how they might be achieved, including how to tackle obstacles which might have to be overcome, in order to achieve success. 

It is often the first part of the exercise that proves to be most thought –provoking and, for some, most challenging. 

How do you set a goal that is applicable, doable and at the same time, challenging enough to give a sense of achievement when it is accomplished? 

In my role as an author, I have written about some pretty lofty goals I set myself, during the time I was fundraising for Right To Play and other charities. I dared to think I could run 250 marathons in one year, climb Mount Kilimanjaro in 21 hours and run 1,000 kms along the South West Coast of England in 25 days. 

Now, although I wouldn’t expect my workshop participants set themselves similar goals, I do encourage them to think beyond normal expectations, to really stretch their imaginations and see a path from where they are to where they want to be. The discussions that come out of this exercise can be very revealing.  I have had people share ideas that they have harboured for years, but never before spoken about. Others who hadn’t even thought about something they would really like to do and how they might go about it. 

When we talk about the reasons that are stopping them from attempting these goals, I almost always hear the same responses i.e. not enough time, not enough money, too many commitments but, almost universally, not enough confidence. 

For this reason, it’s important to take the time to break down the reasons for stopping yourself from doing something. When you do that, it makes the thought of attempting your goal less daunting and more achievable. 

If you highlight the obstacles that are standing in your way, see each one separately and think of them as smaller ”chunks” of the bigger issue, they will become less daunting.

It’s also important to remember that, often, these goals cannot be achieved on your own and you need to put some sort of support system in place. That might entail recruiting other people to your cause or simply having the right tools to get the job done. 

I firmly believe that, with careful planning, an awareness of the challenges you might encounter and a positive mental attitude, most things can be accomplished. 

When I struggled to run my first 2km, at the age of 47 I would never have believed it if someone had told me that, seven years later, I would complete those 250 marathons in one year, I would have told them they were crazy. But, it’s amazing what motivation can be gained from simply setting yourself a goal and having the determination to see it through. 

Of course, sometimes, a little crazy helps too!

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I have just read an article in the UK’s Daily Mail newspaper which states that, in a recent survey, of the group of American adults polled, “40 percent said they should have done more networking, which is more typically associated with the professional world”.

I know that, in my business as a professional speaker and author, a great number of the speaking engagements and book signings I have secured have come from my networking at conferences, talks, presentations and other business events.

Connecting on a personal level, in a less formal situation, is extremely valuable. You create an impression and it gives you the opportunity to talk more extensively about your goals.

There is no doubt that technology has its place, when it comes to networking. I am networking through this blog, through what I put on my website, and what I post on Facebook and Twitter. But, when networking in person, you are able to judge more accurately the character of the person with whom you are connecting and whether or not you have shared interests and values, when it comes to business matters.

If they do, it is more likely they will be able to help you or know people who can.

One should also consider the value of networking when one is attending a social event, too. When you sit down to share a cup of coffee with someone or attend a luncheon, you don’t always want to be pitching your business, but it is still important to be open to further discussion on a topic, especially when it is one on which you have some expertise.

It’s also important to remember that it will give you the opportunity to help others. They can be mutually beneficial.

You should make an effort to remain connected. It may not be apparent at the time, but you never know when someone may have the opportunity to recommend you to someone, or vice versa and you need to know how to get in touch. If you have maintained contact it will make this much easier and also, it means someone will keep you in mind. Follow up on your initial meeting with an email, or brief phone call. It will help to form a more memorable bond.

In my role as an author, I have been able to reach out to people I have met through networking channels to offer expert advice and review my work.

So, don't underestimate the personal touch when it comes to networking, you never know when just  making  yourself  known to someone can help further your business ties, or help someone along the way.

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On Sunday afternoon, as I was running along the pathways, near my home, something suddenly struck me. Many of the adults I saw were looking at their phones and most of them were accompanied by children. It’s not something I’d been truly conscious before. But, then I began to notice other instances, where parents were with children and yet, rather than spending the time communicating with them, they were engrossed with their phones or ipads. 

For instance, I saw one lady, in Tim Horton’ s whose little girl, about 5 years old, was saying that she  needed to go to the washroom, but it took several times of being told before that mother took any notice. Another time, on the pathway, there was a little boy, pointing to a deer, on the other side of the river, he must have said “Daddy, look” about 9 times, before giving up. 

What is happening in our society that parents are more interested in a mobile device than talking to their own child? A friend of mine, who is an elementary school teacher tells me that she has seen a marked increase in children’s attention – seeking behaviour and the issues it causes and another friend who works with pre-schoolers said that she has noticed a decline in the general level of communication skills amongst young children and there may be a link between these issues and the way some modern parents are failing to communicate with their children. 

According to the Parenting and Child Health website: 

“The word 'communication' is used to talk about how people share information. Often when people think about communication, they think about talking and listening. However, people also send information by:

• the tone of their voice
• the look on their face (facial expression)
• the way they use their hands (gestures)
• the way they move and hold their body (body language).

However, it states that communication problems can be caused when there is:

• lack of experience or stimulation
• limited opportunities to talk with others. 

It goes on to list some of the difficulties that children may have when they have not grasped communication skills: 

• recognising the emotions or intentions of others
• speech sounds (saying the words clearly or correctly)
• speaking fluently (without hesitating too much or stuttering)
• using words and grammar (rules about word order and use)
• putting words together to let others know what they think or want
• understanding what others say.

An article published on the Better Health Channel stresses the importance of communicating with young children:

“Parenting is all about communicating with your child. Positive two-way communication is essential to building your child’s self-esteem. While children thrive with words of encouragement and praise, listening to your child boosts their self-esteem and enables them to feel worthy and loved. If you set up clear and open communication patterns with your child in their early years, you are setting up good practices for the future. A child’s ability to manage stress, feel confident and motivate themselves in later life has a lot to do with their early childhood experiences. A person’s ‘self-concept’ is their sense of who they are and how they feel about their place in their family and community. This begins to develop between the ages of two and six years. “

If you want your child to be a good listener, make sure you’re a good role model. Take the time to listen to them. Busy, distracted parents tend to tune out a chattering child, which is understandable from time to time. If you constantly ignore your child, however, you send the message that listening isn’t important and that what your child has to say isn’t important to you. 

Some suggestions include:

• Pay attention to what your child is saying whenever you can.
• Make sure to allocate some time every day to simply sit and listen to your child if you have a busy schedule.
• Encourage your child’s ideas and opinions. Positive communication is a two-way street in which both parties take turns listening and talking.

Maybe it’s time for some parents to ask themselves what is really more important, reading that latest text or email or communicating with their child?  I’m sure many of them honestly don’t realize how much time they spend on their device. But, what some need to realize is that all the time that they are not communicating effectively with their children can affect them at all ages, but especially in the development of their communication skills and possibly their behaviour.

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